The Lies I Told Myself for Years That Kept Me Playing Small (And How I Broke It)

Many people tell me that having strong self-awareness is one of my biggest strengths, but I think it's one of my biggest weaknesses too. If you know me, you know that I love spending time alone, at home, curled up reading a nice book or watching a meaningful movie. I enjoy this because I see this as a chance to spend time with myself, the person who understands me the most.

Many people have told me I should be kind to myself, but being Asian, I think it runs in our blood to have the always-thrive-for-more attitude. "What can I do better? Which aspects should be improved? How do I improve the quality of my life?" are just some questions I ask myself daily. How contradicting that the questions which are supposed to make us better, end up making us feel worse about ourselves. I'm here to share the lies from myself that I have learnt to ignore because they are unkind and how to turn that into positivity instead. You'll see that most of them are somehow related, but they are all equally damaging. Also adding in some movie recommendations that closely relate to each aspect!

A sunset on a random evening in Phuket that I found rather warm and comforting.

"You will never fit in"

I have always found it hard to fit in, no doubt about that. Let's just say that my interests were never aligned with the majority and I have learnt that that's absolutely fine. Mindsets, culture, interests and topics would be different since I was young that I just gave up trying to fit in because my brain told me to. So what did I try to do? I tried to fit in. I tried to change myself so that people would find me alike and relatable, and that was taking a toll on me. I lost myself, I found myself rather superficial and sometimes suppressing my excitement on certain things that I loved but people didn't. It wasn't until last year that I made some new friends in a new circle which shared the same interest as me. We had so much fun together and I could be myself with them. We shared the same values, passion and views. That was the first time my heart felt so full because I didn't know that friendships could be so fulfilling.

Takeaway: Don't try to fit in because being different is not a crime. You just need to keep finding the people who accept you for who you are. Of course, you should always give people a chance to see the real you before you set up your walls.

Movie Recommendation: Edward Scissorshands

"I will never be at their level"

You scroll through Tiktok/ Instagram and you see an influencer you always looked up to. She could be flying in a private jet, he could be the Creative Director of a famous marketing agency, or she could be living in the countryside while baking beautiful sourdough bread. You immediately think, "Be realistic, you will never be at their level." If you know me well, you know that I'm a dreamer. I don't say this often to myself but when I do, I think this brings the most damage. Some people will argue that it is toxic to compare, but I beg to differ, I think it stems from one's personal values. Comparing is fine so long as you think "Wow, I want to be like her/him one day" instead of "I hate how she's so successful and I'm still stuck here" Both stemmed from the same feeling, but escalated so quickly with one sentence. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I catch myself thinking along the lines of the latter. Then I hate myself for being such a horrible person and I punish myself for it. After a few years of consistently telling myself I should speak kindly about other people and about myself, I finally managed to change and I realised that you are your own limit. No one else can stop you if you believe in yourself.

Takeaway: No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true - We love a good Disney quote. For some people, faith in religion can be very strong, but if you put the same amount of faith in yourself, you'd be surprised at the things you can accomplish.

Movie Recommendation: Ratatouille

"People will judge me"

This sentence is closely related to the first one I mentioned. In the midst of trying to show the real you to people, you start to think, "Wait, I really shouldn't tell people I love tattoos, they are going to think that I am rebellious." 8 out of 10 people face this daily. It is true that we live in a very judgemental society and I am thankful everyday that it slowly gets better. Everyone is a bit judgy to a certain extent and we can't control that. What we can control is being kinder to ourselves. The next time you feel scared of being judged, just know that none of this will matter in 1 year. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but you need to choose who's opinion matters.

Takeaway: People are going to judge no matter what. Great things don't just happen out from normalcy. So dare to be different and embrace yourself. Always trust yourself in everything you do because you know you best.

Movie Recommendation: Black Swan

"I have to be perfect"

No one is perfect. Stop lying to yourself. The more you try to be perfect, the more you aren't. I know because I tried to. I tried to be beautiful, smart, happy, talented, kind, thoughtful and any other positive thing you can think of. This made me a major people-pleaser and I was so tired. I started having negative thoughts like "Gosh, why are some people so foolish", "I try to please everyone but nobody is trying to please me", "Why don't they care about their appearance?" and before I knew it, I became the Judgy Judy. Nobody asked you to please anyone, and nobody asked you to validate them either. Everyone has their own flaws and I couldn't forgive them like how I couldn't forgive my own flaws. Over time, I accepted that I didn't have all the answers to everyone's questions, and that it's okay to cry and have bad days.

Takeaway: Everything might be important at some point, but if it jeopardizes your happiness, is it worth it? You should not focus on being perfect, but more on being the best version of yourself. No one is perfect and no one expects you to be too.

Movie Recommendation: The Devil Wears Prada

I hope you enjoyed the read! It is the first time that I have been so honest with myself and to you. Let me know if there is anything I missed out on in the comments!